The Game

Ahahha. Hahahaha. Nerd.

OK. You didn't get that joke. Probably. Unless you are Tek (did you get it?). Maybe...

I have been told to tell the internet (and only a fool thinks "the internet" reads my blog. Foolz! :) about "The Game".

I started this post a while ago...and I believe this is either "coaching" or "grooming" in terms of blogging.

The Game*, is a game I play with Flo. And in my head...with myself. It's like onanism, but with no touching...Wait, did I just mention touching myself and my daughter in the same paragraph? This is all sounding so wrong...

Psychologists and other people, the latter generally more intelligent than me, probably invented this game. But for now, it is my game.

We have 2 subjects/players: A and B.
A: Food to eat?
B: Bacon
A: Eggs
B: Cabbage
etc.

e.g. Word association games....if you say something that doesn't fit the category the person who chose it gets to change it.
[cont]
A: Popcorn
B: Macdonalds
A: MAJOR FUCKING ERROR!!!
A: Rivers of The World!
A: Amazon
B: ebay
A: Fail!

When I play on my own, it's:
A: OMA Management Objects and their publication status?
B: CP, FUMO, SCOMO, DiagMon, SC
A: And?
B: Agh you fuck!
...
B: LaWMO
A: And?
...
B: I fucking hate you!

Then, also...
A: Every Queen album in chronological order?
B: Queen, Queen II, Night at the Opera or maybe Day at the races....or that other one.
A: Haha ha. Wait...

But you can also awesome it up:
Me (after 15 minutes of "animals on a farm", "things i can see with my eyes", etc and so much traffic-noise neither of us can hear, seeing a sign for some kind of cinammon donut snack thing): Simian Bums?
Flo: Monkeys bottom.
Me: Pardon?
Me: Flo?
Flo: You mustn't say "bum". Not in this area. [indicates path, road, M32...sits on hands and pretends to go to sleep]
Me: ROFLMAO!
Me: What should I say Flo? Flo? Flo?
Flo: Parts of monkeys.
Me: [?..]
Flo: I can see a pollution!

Radio Killed The Video Star

Got absolutely drenched on Friday....wet to the knee...it's a pedestrian thing.

Flo and I enjoyed a Huge Fish Pie(tm) each on Saturday night. Comprising haddock, prawns, peas, leeks, celery and a bechamel topped off with broc-mash...we both did lots of "ummm"-ing...then played the tickle-chasing game, had a bath and then bed....Flo did Mermaid impressions and didn't really want to go to sleep ndespite "noo bankets" and a "noo circle cushion", but funnily enough 10 minutes after I put her down with a warm bottle of (rice) milk there was silence...

Today we had frozen raspberries in our porridge and then snacked on mango, oat biscuits and The Clangers until it was a suitable hour to visit the farm...came home for an aborted snooze, making tea for every single stuffed animal in the house (1 leopard called Leonard, 3 tigers (Big, Small and Bag), Kitten, Mungous the snake, Monster (sometimes called Dragon) and Stanny (the crazy, organic, pea-husk wearing, anti-establishment, bi-colour oat-based, oddball furball that daddy bought on a whim in Belgium))...the Noisy Orse also turned up for a bit. [sarcasm]Thanks for that one Granny Jan[/sarcasm].

Whenever it rains as hard as it has done recently I get a bit paranoid about the roof falling in, so I popped up into the attic earlier for a quick look (as I hadn't had a look since I moved in 6 months ago) and I notice I can get through to the neighbours attic!! There is no wall between my house and (seemingly) the house next to me....this seems wrong....anyone? Dad, I'm looking at you there.

While Flo was singing her traditional song in the tunnel (turn up the volume, I fucked the video settings up....new phone...sorry) a woman walked passed the other side...when she yodelled (having got her breath back from laughing at us) Flo was mega-confused! Soz again about the quality...I pressed MMS instead of Yay Quality Video! You should hang out with us in person.

Oh yea...I got "rarzbee fingers"!!




Fwozen rarzbereez roolz....Thayz frozed from my 'lotment bak inna day!*

Peace....work awaits!


*yeah, i don't have it no more, but I got a bushel of frozen summr fruits for 3 quid ;)

Blog...interrupted

I know. I know. It has been a while hasn't it.

I've been busy. Anyway, Flo and I had a wonderful time this weekend and apart from a minor tumble in the park which resulted in Flo in floods of tears claiming she'd broken her leg it was tippity-top! If I ever get my fancy-pants open source linux mobile flashed and running properly you'll see the fruits of my busy-ness here.

Shortly before "breaking" her leg

Swing!

This was the best picture she'd let me take (shortly before kicking me in the nuts...that'll teach me to lie on the floor)....what you can't see is the ghetto denim skirt, rainbow leg-warmers and kicker boots!

I accidentally recorded in MMS mode (hence 2 videos)....sorry

And so it goes...

We'd eaten tuna, rice, greens and roasted parsnips & carrots. We'd bathed and watched 'In The Night Garden'. Read "noo book" and gone to bed. I'd been watching a mixture of Steven Fry and Elvis documentaries. It was a Saturday night, 10pm, and I was ready for bed.

I checked on Flo. She'd covered herself with the blanket but was naked and nappyless. And she'd pissed the bed!

I wanted to read my book. I wanted to sprawl over the entire bed (such as it is).

A wipe down, a fresh nappy and the only option "Daddy Bed". I lay her down and curl into a corner...30 seconds later the Copper Chopper hovers seemingly directly above us. She sleeps on, blissful and beautiful. I watch her...then get up to type this.

I have a snoozy one to nap next to. I am the luckiest man alive.

Could it be...?

A "proper" blogpost? I'm not sure, but I'll certainly try to write something interesting and locate you to some wonderful things on these intarnets. In the meantime I'll be trying to sort out some last minute latent racism between myself and those cheese-eating-surrender-monkeys!

So. 1st off...The Dirty Protest:

Teh Chile is potty training. Rosie mentioned it and I heard Ez shouting "No Flo, in the potty" while out in Le Jardin the other night....so I bought a potty. Not before she showed me that she doesn't want a nappy full of shit by taking off said nappie, moving all the bedclothes (and TankOOBear (a teddy which does not look dissimilar to this one) the book we read before bed...did not cost me that much though, TankOOVouchers!!) to one end of her cot and taking three perfectly formed pyramids of shit at the other end!

Not a jot on her though...all credit to the girl.

Then. Then...she shunned the potty right in front of her for the relative comfort of weeing on a cushion. While she looked me in the eye!

Her stringing together of sentences though is becoming more and more wonderful by the day. Which reminds me...I found this post really poignant. Flo isn't quite as articulate yet (I await the day) but much of it rings true for me...no I don't have massive biceps; I got given a wicked buggy remember. And am a weed.

Meh...number 2 could be more tricky geeky:
Am going to try getting my cablebox to do this...is not even Motorola! Am fscked? I don't even need it to work...but the potential exists...for the price of a 6-pin firewire cable (which TBH I have one somewhere) and some typing?! Failure can be an option...when it is not a prerequisite for success. This is not to mention setting up m0n0wall again so that I can VNC in...oh wait, you're bored...

£ 15 \/\/3LL 0DD
Round 2 of the fight for cleanliness continues. I sooped up the hoover by taping up some connections and I made a new nozzley attachment thing what cleans tiny gaps...at the expense of making the hoover sound like it wants to kill me. Got some non-standard bags/filters...and what with the slight "engine mod" using soldering iron and chisel (don't ask) I'm sucking some serious gunk...From the smell of ozone while in use I give it a week!

Is all. I go to my garden....I'll probably find rats...I bore...

Single, Brackets Again Brackets.

That's right, I'm single again...Ladies you may offer yourselves unto me in the comments!

Flo and I celebrated by spending the day eating grapes (or 'bape' as she calls them), buying shoes (a pair of sandals and some standard shoes), visiting 'doats', 'ship', 'pik', 'duck-gak-gak', 'hoss' (it's actually a cow, but she seems a bit undecided if it's a 'boon' (cow) or a 'hoss') and 'mat' (I'm pretty certain that's a rabbit...it seems to be applied to any rabbit-sized furry creature).


Our post-prandial jaunt to the park...9am and coat was almost optional!

Bumped into Rosie ('mummy' natch), Ian ('Eeee') and Teh Ezmalator ('Ez') in Mo'care (as it should be called), which seemed to phase Flo less than the fact that I wouldn't let her run away to look at 'a man'....I'll be buggered if I could figure out who or where this 'man' was, but not even 'tuddle' (turtle...a plastic bath toy she insisted came in the buggy with her?!?) would stop the crying and yelling. It was only when the assistant turned up with a pair of shoes that she calmed down. Women...heh!


Making a break for the 'pidge'

I also took B055man up on his recommendation to watch "Heroes"...and...it's great! Which means I have something to replace my Battlestar addiction....oh noes!

Oh yea...Flo and I have also been playing pooh-sticks on the 'pidge' (bridge) in the park...Teh Chile is water-mad...not least when stalking me round the flat holding an empty plastic beaker and demanding 'wa-teeeer, waaaa-teeer' in a plaintive whine, and her having just drunk a load of juice and chucked a few litres of water down herself as well.


Flo pointing at a snogging couple cuddling on a 'panket' (blanket)....I left them out of shot and chose the safe 'piddin' (pigeon) option.

(End)

Hiatus!

Great word that!

I've obviously had a week or so off the blog (some of that off work too). I'm not sorry if you missed me (which you didn't). Hoping M&D get their devonshire house, even though the people round there are a bit...well...odd. Had a few days holiday and a few days more to come...


Yes! Heat-sensitive water-proof LEDs FTW!


Blue = Cold (~40c) red =" Hot"


Over-engineered, but cool....and not wet!...and childproof!!!

Am on a mini-break back at work and it stinks! Half-day tomorrow and then out of the mire again thank Teh FSM.


She does love her grandad....


Tea tonight: Mashed Potatoes, Cod & Haddock with Parsley Sauce, Braised Leeks, and Broccoli

Lil, on the other hand is gorjoyce!

Lilstreamowords: PikDaddyPikPikPik_ShoesDaddy_Legs_Sock_Eyes (presses my eyeballs) OwDaddyEyesDaddy_Bork_BorkDoggie_Doll_Tiger?_Doe?_DoeInna?

Translation: Look dad! A pig on this cup you're holding. I'm wearing shoes...Daddy's wearing shoes. I have legs, as do you daddy...And socks...You have eyes daddy and they are 'fair game'. when I'm being cute, no?!...I'm bored, can we go to the park now? Got any tigers?...Where's Jungle Joe by the way?



Teh Chile's also apparently swapped morning naps for afternoon naps...maybe this is why she's also still not asleep this late!

End.

Must. Think. Of. Comedy. Title....

And then of course, something to write about.

Telling your 18 month old daughter to 'be careful' when climbing on stuff doesn't (always) work. Flo took a tumble yesterday, cut her lip and banged her head. She was OK after a few minutes cuddling and dabbing at her mouth with ice-cubes wrapped in a (yes, clean!) washcloth. She then took to applying the cold compress to my head...maybe she'll be a doctor when she's older.

Watching 'But' (that's Bod to you lot).

You really should follow the layout instructions with these damn trainset things!

Errr....WTF?!?


Ooooh, I see. A tenner well spent!!

Righteous props to Gazatron for another sonic intervention....top mix, lad!

I do believe that Jungle Joe is coming down on Friday...then we're off to see the (potential) new Parental Yard down Exeter way (yay, nearness). I've got loads of work to do before the Easter holidays...bah!

My deepest sympathies to Sked on the loss of his brother...Death sucks.

The Hardest Thing [EDIT]

The hardest thing I do (and I do it each week) is leave the child.

I know she's taken care of. I know she is happy, learning and loved...but I have to leave her. Ah, me....

Then watch a Kids vs Parents football match in the park. From my window...but I have blinds...they have cider-drinking tramps and dogshit...it's all relative...



Oh, wait....Fast Food Nation to watch....nu-night, might post from Romania for laughs... X

edit...
!ZOMFG!1Onw!!....I missed this??

OoaAarThricket!

Have had a fantastically restorative weekend thanks for asking...and got Sir Henry at Rawlinson End! R00lz!

A lovely night of sausage & mash etc with Missman 'up the Hill' on Friday night, managed to sort all the shopping out on Saturday then me and Flo ate a lovely dinner of Salmon, Rice (with Nori & Hemp seeds and all that good hippy shit), Roasted Peppers (a new fave word) and Onions and Brocolli.



After Oats, Yoghurt, Toast and Coffee this morning (she loves an espresso...joke. I drank that) we went to the park in the rain today with Flo in her mega-cagoule...must remember that slides get slippy when wet and nylon rainsuits repel water...stick Teh Chile in that equation and you can probably imagine me sprinting alongside the slide as she accelerated off towards the tarmac.

Missman popped round for a cup of her wierd liquorice concoction and ended up staying for lunch. Of which, Chile ate most of her portion but insisted that most things were either hoT {ffff} or Peh-Puh, Peh-Puh. Leftovers have been consumed...

The Farm this afternoon. Then the Caff Playground for some ElectroSlide fun...nothing funnier than seeing a small child discharge her massive static charge when what she's expecting is a nice hug. A bouncy walking thing that seems to encourage larger children to try to 'bounce' Flo into the air...another spin round the park (this time in the dry), then home for some snoozing, dancing and generally painting each other with facepaints.

God I'm glad I don't go out anymore...let's see if PooTube is still shitting bits at my MP4z...yeps. You may click here to download an MP4 of Flo wearing a hat while some Reggae plays in the background.



Also, here's a quick update on vocab...

Shoosh = Shoes
Hap-En = Apple
Pep-Puh = Pepper (the red/green/yellow kind)...this must be repeated several hundred times (even if there is no pepper in evidence)
Detty = Dirty
Daddy = Doggie
Doggy = Daddy
Boooon = Cow
Meh! Meh! Meh! = I want you to do something related to what I am pointing at or struggling with...right now
Khn = Spoon

In other news I am trying to trim up, label, genre-ize and generally sort some 40Gb of music...having an inner giggle: Ladyhands, heh! And thinking of bed, a 4 day week and then M&D mit Flo, back for Edinborough (hahahahah...mmm)...I'll probably sleep for a day and then back to work.

Err....night!

The French Disease

So. I've been ill...it seems I picked up some kind of foul french flu while in Paris and it pretty much wiped me out since Thursday last week.

Here's a little video for you. Make sure you have the sound turned way up...the video starts about 30 minutes through the session...it went on for another 30 after.

I had a killer headache...but she don't care!

UPDATE: YouTube is being Teh Ghey....I'll get it sorted. Sorry...You can download it from here (half meg MP4 file).

Eggs Perry Mental

Right. I'm knackered, a bit fed-up of feeling guilty (for no reason) for not posting quite as often or in quite the same rantageous (yes it is a word...if I say so) way as I have in the past. I blame Missman (joke). Actually, because I told Missman of the site I suddenly thought I'd better re-read some of my older posts to see if I came across as some kind of mentalist. What I mean is, a different type of mental from my mental....ya get me?

Also, Ricola better phone me soon or they're in trouble!

By the way, I don't want an iPhone (which you may have inferred from the last post), but that interface does look awesome. If I'm a fanboy at all, I'm a Mac OS X fanboy and possibly not even that as I'd rather it was all free...I'm still running a Debian machine as a server and using the Daptop regularly now I sorted out some of the wireless issues. Somehow though, my Mac Mini has become my machine of choice rather than just the media machine I'd intended.

I'll also admit to heaving several huge sighs of relief at work today; just before I went on Yuletime holiday I realised I might have 'over sold' something to Belgium and that I'd possibly fucked Belgium (ugh!) and thus probably a very, very expensive project right up. I couldn't do anything about it other than worry (not that I do that much) about it a bit over the last few weeks. Anyway, long story short we finally caught up on the matter today and it turns out I'd just twisted it round in my head (and so had one of the Belgo's which was why I was worrying) because their techie guy is definitely on the ball and had also noticed my cunning 'call per service' (too long a story) plan...it just wasn't flow-charted correctly. Also, Maggie is back which is really good and I'll be working with her now.

The paragraph above has been written suspecting that Teh Bo55 still has this thing RSS'd or bookmarked. But it's true...and cannot be submitted as evidence for my next Performance Review ;-)

Flo has some seriously sore nappy-area issues, but is happy enough despite being a bit pasty and under-the-weather-looking. She ate loads of Fishcake, Rice, Brocolli and Sweetcorn and was sooo tired she wanted her bed at 6:30 right after her bath (lots of shouting and splashing...and bubbles)...let's hope she sleeps through as I've another killer 2 days at work coming up followed by (hopefully) some debauchery and then a full Saturday...Flo's staying a bit later than usual on Sunday.

O.O

Seems I can rant when I have it in me...except now I'm definitely going to bed before 9!

You thought I'd forgotten....haha!

Loife

I realise it's been a while since I last posted, but I only apologise a little bit because I've been a bit busy with life.

Speaking of lives, a bloke got shot round the corner from me last night (don't be surprised, it seems to happen about 4 or 5 times a year). A nice policeman kindly re-directed me and Flo the long way round because a whole chunk of St Pauls was cordoned off. Well, I say nice...I'm sure he is, but shouting "Oi, you can't go down there" is probably not as polite as "Excuse me, sir this area is cordoned off"...Anyway.

Flo's a-napping and so I thought I'd take the opportunity to give you the ol' bullet point summary and a photo or two.

• Work = getting back into the swing of things....escalating stuff
• Flo = very cute with the whole jumping thing. Latest words are: Hat, Hot, Gone and shouting Dad at me.
• *Clears Throat* = {insert smiley face here} and blushes.
• Flat = leak free and fire-alarmed!

Raoul says the tiger!

That is all.

I don't do anything else...boring, huh?


Sorry 'bout the red-eye!

L'ill Communication

This hat will save me from Daddy's fiendish computer network!

Ill Lil....the 1st projectile vom in 8 months!


I don't care if you want me to put it on 'correctly'; Windy Miller is getting pissed on homebrew!

Luckily, Granny and Grandad were here and brought a lion hat!

Last night and early this morning was fun, but today she needed lots of cuddles...once her stomach was calmer and she was settled in the crook of my arm..we both snoozed with Japanese cartoons* on in the background.



* You can only watch Oliver Postgate stuff for so long....it was Studio Ghibli as I remember, though we both slept through it...

Bucket o' Ducks

Busy busy day today...busy tomorrow, busy Friday, busy Saturday!

Bah!

She had a late sleep this afternoon, so once she'd roused herself we were running round like loons!...plus, I have never seen Teh Chile eat a bigger dinner than this evening! Haddock Cakes (she ate mine too), Rice & Greens (shoved in by the handful) with a couple of dried cherries for desert.


Just woken up...just standing in the living room, swaying...zoned.

She has only just gone to bed and is singing to herself...and making the odd cockerel noise.

Odd.

Wind and Rain...

Most of the weekend (and today on my bleedin' holiday), but Sunday was sunny.

Bumbled about with Flo, and then with Flo & Joe, and then with Tola Flo & Joe....I will abide by their protestations that they hate having photos taken and save them for Flo to look at.

You can look at Teh Chile and her new pageboy style haircut...so cute...so blurry (sorry)!


Surface Mount Soldering!!?! WTF?

There's some tricky shizzle coming up on "Project Camera".

Ooops

Been a while since I posted...and the one pic of Lil I got last night isn't so hot.

I'll definitely do an update on Monday after The Bro and His Lady come down. Flo still has a cold by the way...and now so do I.

I, however can blow my own nose!

Oh, and you know they say that there are only 6 degrees of separation between you and everyone else on the planet (not that I really believe that)? Well, beat this:

Me on Random Date (could not be more random if I tried): "So I have a 15 month old daughter called Flo..."
The Date: "Errr, does she have a sister called Esmae? And her mum's name is Rosie?"
Me: "*** ******* ****! Yes!"
Date: "Oh my housemate went out with Rosie last week"

That's 2 degrees people!

2!

Sun Day

Goats ate my Buggy!


Flo manipulating the goat via the power of horns & feet

FYI: Sun has been shining all day!

We've been out and about...I am now knackered (Flo's having a nap)...hopefully I will be able to stay awake for tonights 'event'.


Nosebag!

Today Flo ate: Daddy's Patent Puddo Rice, Toast, Couscous & Falafels with an onion & mushroom gravy...and in between....Animal Biscuits...lots of Animal Biscuits!

She didn't sleep so well last night as she's getting a bit of a cold. A bit bunged up and very snory (is that a word?) last night...which meant I didn't sleep too well either...However, we both maxxed out on the morning nap...and still managed to fit in: Soft Play, The Swings, The Farm and a visit to BFC which is now open on a Sunday (yay)....and has a fine looking Café thing going on.


Flo solves the 'how do I carry things but leave my hands free for biscuits' conundrum!

Hide & Seek : Part The Second

Oh, OK then, you can have some more photos....these are from this evening.

There's no need for t'hat...she likes wearing them...indoors...when there's no need.


Same hat...different angle...for the hat (she put it on this time) and the camera (I was getting Arty)


One day I'll get one of these 'Father & Chile' shots right...or pay someone...now there's a thought!

Hide & Seek

Quick picture post as I may not have time to post on Sunday night....of which, maybe more next week.

However, I might try and post some more Flo pics tomorrow during naptime...we shall see.