Saturday, May 30, 2009

"Mrs Apron" the name Flo has decided upon for my bike. In fact, OUR bike! It has a seat for me and one for Flo (which collapses into a handy rear platform) and a saddle and a loud as hell bell...

All bikes need a name, especially one such as this. With a name comes a helm!

I bought her a helm today. A helm is necessary apparently.

Necessary for all things!

But fuck me was it a killer (even keeping to the relative flat) with a basket full of groceries and a backseat full of Flo. That said, when you "get a coast on" it's fucking's a perfect bike for me: a pain in ass to get going but when you do, just cruise...and DO NOT STOP*!

*until at destination**
**or large hill***
***large = not horizontal

Friday, May 29, 2009


Things I have learnt about riding a fixed-wheel bicycle in Bristol.

  • Prepare for pain
  • You need to look/plan ahead
  • Keep pedalling!
  • Don't bother with anything more than 1:3 will die
  • Braking is weird. Practice!
  • Putting a retro childseat on the back adds a kilo to the bike
  • Flo will whoop from the moment you start pedalling
  • She also sings me songs while I cycle...
  • Adding a Flo to the bike makes it even more unwieldy
  • Keep pedalling!
  •'s all about pace. Basically, once you start don't stop. Slow down, sure!
  • Make absolutely certain no laces, sock, trouser-cuff or other loose items can possibly get caught in the will die
  • If you get a bright orange, chopper-handled fixie with a childseat from the 80s containing a whooping, singing ~4year old....people will point and stare...
Tomorrow we are going to attempt a trip to town....

Monday, May 25, 2009

My days are numbered...

Bah. Writing stuff sucks....I'm too busy contemplating the ~5 gallons of victorian style bitter I knocked up yesterday morning...that and the fact that Flo is mastering my ipod as fast as I do...

Kalimba (but she's fucking mean with Bloom, Balls, and the instant-DJ app!)

At least some things remain the same...

Saturday, May 23, 2009


Thursday, May 21, 2009

A What Goes Here?

I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself this evening (; what have I got to worry about comparatively?!) and after I whinged about hip pain on twitter (sue me) I got spammed with a billion adverts for girdles...I won't whinge more here...

Perhaps Newsnight on Beeb1 & testing out Moblin (looking good for the acer (as i use it)) will help.

Ooooh, it's about thieving cunts.


Tuesday, May 19, 2009


I have a mysterious but oh so painful pain that seems to originate in either my left buttock or somewhere between the back of my left thigh in the top 3rd...Suggested causes so far (inc. sources):

- You must have slept in an odd position (device bloke R from work)
- Gout (Teh Boss...The Ricola (f) once posited this for a big toe pain....i had, however, stubbed that fucker good!)
- Arthritis (google, and probably my mum)

Came on randomly this morning (to add to my lungs which feel like they're full of water)....Personally, and only because walking with my messenger bag exacerbates the pain, I blame my brother and/or the messenger bag (he bought me).

No Flo news this week; they're on holiday.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

I'm starting to get it....

Twitter is beginning to make some sense (and boy oh boy have the mobile operators missed this one, or at the very least only just getting it....believe me!). What you need is GPS and a camera (and it helps to have wifi). Get that in your device, hopefully get yourself a G2 or an iphone (suckerz), get Twidroid or Twitteriffic and you're fucking laughing....That said, if I got off my lazy ass and looked at BrightKite properly, I'd probably be spouting about that ;)


I give ye the Gurinet....

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


Fuck. I've just spent 30 minutes trying to draw a plot of my journey today but the length of the day (Romania = GMT+2, so I was awake at 5am UK time (in Romania), but went to bed at 11 Romanian! Hardcore! ;), a crazy Romanian taxi driver, a 3 hour plane ride, the timezone change, the (easy) trip back from Heathrow, and typing this sentence have completely ruined me....also 4 scrotes (Romanian Lei, to you) = 1 english pound....and 1 pint = 6 do the maths...


PS. Only saw 4 gypsies....met a man called Katie, who reports to someone Dogrescu (ahahahahaaahaaa!)


Monday, May 11, 2009


Faaasands of 'em!

Helpfully photographed by "friend of Harriet", I present a bevy of smiffs...Miles, Sam, Harriet, Olivia, Jessica and Flo....all Smiths....though I may have got all their names wrong ;)

Flo and I shared a twin room in a local B&B...."I got my own mirror dad!"

"And my own lovely sleep in that other one, OK?"

There were some negotiations over trouser-ware in the morning...we reached an arrangement: you can wear your pyjamas to breakfast if you get dressed properly afterwards.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

My eyes.....

They burn.....the orangeynessnessss.....but 1st....

Mac Mini running Ubuntu 9.04 + XBMC....fuck you Apple!

Flo's in love with the iPod....fuck you Apple!

Moshi's in love with my bag.....fuck you, Apple....oh, wait....


Who said a fixed-wheel bike in a city built on 7 hills is madness...probably me after my 1st proper cycling sesh tomorrow....

Off to Derby for the weekend...peace.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Silent Running

Don't worry....things are cool here. Flo's away so there's nothing to report...

...except....HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!


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