Pony Games

Nope. Not some new kind of kink I'm into...

...or maybe it is...

The Steed* by virtue of the fact that it has no stupid dérailleur to go whirr-clickety-clackity-whirr-dzzz-clack and that it has skinny, slick tyres making minimal contact with the tarmac (not also, inflated to 105 psi!) is virtually silent. Seriously, the only sound is a faint buzz from the tyres...and me panting for breath.

This has led to me developing a new "game". Hooning it down the cyclepath surprising the day-glo commuters on their 'mountain bikes' from behind and hoping to hear a "tsk tsk"...I started out ringing my bell (honestly!), but the fucker broke on me. Then I tried shouting "On yer left!", but that just resulted in them looking round and wobbling into my path...

Surprising them is much more fun!

Hoping for no rain tomorrow morning as I'm planning to do the entire route to work, which is about 7 or 8 miles. Approximately 2/3 of which is uphill...

...then we'll see who's laughing**.

The ride home should be awesome (again, assuming no rain...it'd be like trying to ride a single ice skate)...and a cold, cold beer awaits at the end of it.




*Look Skeddy, you're just going to have to live with it...it's a steel horse I ride! ;-)
** Clue: It wont be me.

The Bicycle Formerly Known As Sikness

Needs a different name.

I rode up to (OK, I rode halfway up and then did 1 stop on the train) "The Posh Bit" and back today after work and somehow I am not dead! Not due to traffic (that, I am managing) but because I have assumed that a fixie is all work, and no fun....how wrong I was. Hills are a bitch, there's no denying, but they end eventually and when they do...you can go back down them....as fast as fuck!

I am planning on cycling to work tomorrow. Unless there's major rainage, I will assume my normal routine, but instead of walking to the bus...I will ride:

THE STEED!

Mistakes make learn

I got home from work and decided it would be nice to cycle to the nearby station, grab a train up "The Posh Bit" and have a couple of pints with a few mates...On the way to aforementioned station I bumped into an ex-girlfriend. Turns out, she's now married to a Nigerian and trying to import him....from what I remember, that is THE biggest "fuck you" she could ever giver her mum.

Anyway. So a train pulls into the station and I duly board it with "Da Sikness", I'm too engrossed in Ian McDonald to look out the window, but as we are about to pull into the station I realise I am not in Kansas any more...oh no. I have got a train that pretty much takes me back to work.

Shit.

Well, at least I went with the bike option. I duly decide to follow people on cycle paths....It turns out to be a relatively decent ride! I overtook several fatties on mountain bikes, though I'll freely admit that the relatively small rise before the insane drop down into The 'Hood was a royal pain in the arse.

I would not like to try it on Mrs Apron.

I should have started CardioTrainer on the G2, but going by the call log (17:20 - The Berber : "Oh shit I got the wrong train") and looking for my keys once home (17:37 on the phone), I think that is fucking impressive.

Not the fact I did the journey in 17 minutes, but that there is a journey whereby I could get home from work in about 40 minutes!

On the other hand, the journey to work in the morning would be almost all uphill, though generally shallow, I fear it like a bitch.

That said, someone brought a bike on the work bus this morning. And if they can do that with a 21 speed MTB then I feel more than justified doing the same with a fixie (though not with Mrs Apron, that shit's too pimped!)

Obsession...for geeks! [updated]

I has a one.

So. I was on ebay today buying a humane spider catcher for Rosie (7 quid delivered BTW!)...as you do.

"I wonder what fixie's are on here?", I thought to myself. Tappity-tappity-tap....
"£1100 for a bike?....WTF?...wait, what's this?"

Short story short. I've bought another fixie.

I will not turn this one into a retro, child-carrying, basket-adorned, fairground*. It's a bit more "proper", with a rear-brake (and so road-legal) and everything and weighs 1/2 as much as Mrs Apron when fully laden...Here, have a look!


Correct picture now shown...

I shall, however, start using this one (it's already shipped!!) as the "daily" bike and reserve Mrs Apron for Flo...and special occasions.

In other news, I'm working on "Doctor Roboto", my costume for next months microrave. So far it features:

• Voice changer
• Internal ultra-bright white LED lighting
  
• Mirrored eyes

In progress:

• Tube & "Gun" for the Brainwave Transmission Weapon
• Sound responsive laser light show projected upwards!
  
• Rubber surround for neck/shoulders
• External "spotlights"
  

To do:

• Head/chinstrap attachments for security while "dancing"
• Lights, bolts, vents/grills and that....prettying it up.
• Silver fabric neck tube to cover scrawny human neck
  

I seriously hope I can make something that lives up to my expectations...

* Actually, the crazy lights are removable from Mrs Apron, so they might go on from time to time....I have a huge bag of zip-ties I got from somewhere...

"Mrs Apron"

...is the name Flo has decided upon for my bike. In fact, OUR bike! It has a seat for me and one for Flo (which collapses into a handy rear platform) and a saddle and a loud as hell bell...

All bikes need a name, especially one such as this. With a name comes a helm!



I bought her a helm today. A helm is necessary apparently.



Necessary for all things!



But fuck me was it a killer (even keeping to the relative flat) with a basket full of groceries and a backseat full of Flo. That said, when you "get a coast on" it's fucking joyous...it's a perfect bike for me: a pain in ass to get going but when you do, just cruise...and DO NOT STOP*!


*until at destination**
**or large hill***
***large = not horizontal

Fixie

Things I have learnt about riding a fixed-wheel bicycle in Bristol.

• Prepare for pain
• You need to look/plan ahead
  
• Keep pedalling!
• Don't bother with anything more than 1:3 hills....you will die
• Braking is weird. Practice!
• Putting a retro childseat on the back adds a kilo to the bike
• Flo will whoop from the moment you start pedalling
• She also sings me songs while I cycle...
  
• Adding a Flo to the bike makes it even more unwieldy
• Keep pedalling!
• Pace...it's all about pace. Basically, once you start don't stop. Slow down, sure!
• Make absolutely certain no laces, sock, trouser-cuff or other loose items can possibly get caught in the chain...you will die
• If you get a bright orange, chopper-handled fixie with a childseat from the 80s containing a whooping, singing ~4year old....people will point and stare...
  

Tomorrow we are going to attempt a trip to town....