No news...

...is good news, as they say. And after the few hints, I have no news....which is cool.

I'm in-de-fucking-structible!

I will, however, be making an appointment with a plastic surgeon (I think we are supposed to call them "cosmetic surgeons", if anything at all) in a couple of months. He said, "You should shave before you come...[grin] or we can shave you on the day"...I said I'd shave....

Might get some tits while I'm there. Something perky for the summer!

Anyway. Paris trip was actually rather better than usual. Flights not too bad, hotel was OK, shit breakfast but well located, and the weather was sunny for the "easy" day and freeeezing on the "busy", luckily we were in a massive, overly hot, windowless room most of day 2...Typical industrialised (e.g. decommissioned telephone exchange from the 70s repurposed very badly) office and meeting room, but a constructive and efficient meeting (as efficient as the french get, even when goaded by my fearsome anger-rod of iron!). Late back last night though...and I was pretty mcuh forced to eat at McDonalds in CDG airport (please....please, don't ask how/why).

Hey-dee-ho...



Moshi has been very pleased to see me back...and Flo too, by all accounts



"It's like a bubble car dad!"


"But Glimmer doesn't have this kind of dress!!!"

The Cat **** On The ***!

Hello there!

Long time no see. Sorry about that; I've been a bit busy. Not only have I become obsessed with "adult colouring in", interesting "music" machines and gardening but I've been uber-busy "mit Arbiet" and also in Paris. All of which, more later...

Let's see...Tuesday night was interesting. I spent the evening with both the front and back doors open in the hope of airing the house while I pottered around between the kitchen, garden and lounge. At some point I neglected to notice a visitor..Perhaps it was because I was obsessively colouring in intricate mandalas...or perhaps it was the solder fumes from my solar theremin project. But I digress, Midnight came and I decided it really was time to pack for the trip and to get my head down for the night. As I headed upstairs I heard a rumble in my bedroom and as I rounded the corner a ball of black lightning streaked (struck? stroked?) past me and proceded to bounce between landing and stairs in an unlikely attempt to make its way past me.

I had a cat.

He zipped around the kitchen while I tried to get the back door open. Havoc was caused. Patches of fur werte left attached to my cactus. Whooping noises were made.

Eventually he figured out how to get out and he sped through the garden and over the wall.

I went to bed.

Straight out of the house in the morning and off to Paris. Sat in 2 days worth of meetings...Yawn. Went for beer and football with the boss...Yay. The highlight was a Lebanese company (who deployed this particular IT solution in Afghanistan...it's mobiles...remember the Taliban demanding all the transmitters being turned off between 6pm and 9am?...that kind of thing) saying, "We are very used to deploying in difficult situations. It does not disturb us".

The journey back was...Interesting. Everything was going well; we'd mosied back through Paris to the airport, checked in (having eventually figured out which way up the passports go in the automated check-in machine), wandered over to passport control, when...wait! Why is everyone standing around? Why are there guys with guns standing in rows preventing people moving around...what's that van outside with some dudes in protective clothing doing?

Oh wow! Bomb scare!

Oh shit! This is going to make it tricky to get on the plane...

We went outside and debated our options (and smoked)...the only option was to wait a bit, hope it all worked out, or try to wangle an emergency booking on the Squeezyjet flight a couple of hours later.

Luckily, adfter about half an hour there was a loud "pop" and about 10 minutes after that the gates were besieged by 1000000000000 people trying to get through security at once. We toughed it out and just about made it to our gate...only to find the flight delayed by 30 mins.

Got home eventually and even managed not to get shivved as I wandered through the murkier parts of Bristol late on a Friday night.

I got home about half ten in the end. But lo...I wonder why the house smells a bit...different? Oh well, it's been closed up for the last 3 days...meh...chuck my bag in the kitchen, figure I'll have a little nightcap and a bit of TV. Wander into the lounge to find a nice dried up cat shit in my fireplace.

Bastard cat.

Clean that up. Sit down...why's the sofa wet? What is that musty smell...Oh wow. Cat piss!

Bastard. Cat.

So. Saturday was spent washing throws & cushions and generally defenestrating the feline miasma. Flo and I had a lovely tea and then spent Sunday riding round St Werbs on our horses...


Flo's horse is called "Heearku" (as near as I can make out)....I think this is Atchitaka's horse (don't ask).

April in Paris

Brasserie Flo in Charles de Gaulle airport...best confit of duck ever (not that we ate there this time).


A stuffy meeting room in central Paris


Notre Dame...walked past it on the way to the Metro.

And then stayed in a crappy hotel in the Parisian equivalent of Slough...where Bossman and I drank several beers...

Before heading to another stuffy meeting room. This time on some kind of industrial estate near "Slough".

Then off for a slap-up lunch and a wander round the gardens of Versaille Palace (paid for by someone else)...




Some bint suckling a snake!



Marie Antoinette fancied having a working farm apparently, so they knocked up this "faux farm"...sort of like Disneyland, but with chickens and goats...

Doing Teh Gay!

Probably not what you're thinking.

Was in Paris this week for fun & laffs at a Multimedia Standardisation Seminar....woooo. Fundamentally this entailed me and Big Stu sitting in a room for 10 or so hours listening to people justify the 3.4 Million Euros they spent this year going on "jollies".

This is the rather smart building we were in...the room we languished in....and a shot on the train on the way back out to the airport (complete with spooky reflection of Big Stu's bonce).

Aircraft

Teh Chile can spot an Aircraft from miles away...even before you can hear the engines!

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Nope...it's a CopChopper 4000!

Half the time I have to look round to see why she is pointing to the sky and shouting either 'chachaah' or 'ehaine' (helicopter and aeroplane respectively)...needless to say that she can differentiate between the two (usually). Though sometimes, depending on the type of pointing and the style of shouting (usually 'Mmm-Mm-MMMM') this may mean she wants food/water/toys.


Why does the Helicopter always circle our neighbourhood Daddy?

Here we are looking at 'naughty boys' taunting the goats....I tried to look stern! But in the back of my mind I was thinking, 'I was that disgusting child'...not Flo though, she just wanted a goat!

Hoodie!


That is toasted Nori seaweed she's eating...admittedly the second bit got spat out...but still! I f****** hate it!

Due to the Belgo trip I picked her up on Saturday at 1:30. Had big cuddles and played 'Crab'. Bumbled around and then ate a Tuna Pasta & Sweetcorn affair. Danced, bathed and went to bed.


This morning I was (oh noes) woken at 4:30! But a bottle and a cuddle with me in bed ensured a lie in until 8ish...I love the way she tries to spoon herself between my chin (which must touch the top of her head) and my legs...I feel like a foetus snuggling a foetus. She snores.

Daddy's patented breakfast: Porridge (Oat Groats & Thai Sweet Rice boiled slowly with Cashews), Toast with Blueberry spread! Raisins...


It's all about the Blueberries....she does have to eat her Porridge first!

Laughed myself to death at her blueberry face...Played a bit. Went to the park. She went back to bed for an hour...I cleaned jam off everything.

Lunch: Chunky Veg Soup with Spaghetti 'bits' (Onion, Courgette, Celery, Red Pepper, Carrot, Swede, Mushroom, Squash, Beans, Garlic & Ginger and a bit of Cumin (for the winter) + snapped up bits of spaghetti).

Went to the supermarket (bumped into Baboo with Es & Io), the Farm, the Caff, the Playground, the Park....played...chased each other round the flat with harmonicas (she now moves up and down the scale and breathes in and out...she could be a great Blues harpist!). Snoozed (well, she lay in a darkened room shouting to herself wth a bottle of milk and a fluffy cat) for 30 mins while I read some more Carl Sagan.

Danced...Played Hide & Seek. Played 'Crab'...and home to Mama.

Tadaaaa!

Is it me or does she bear an uncanny likeness to yours truly?

By the way: Brussels is mucho betterer than Paris...any country where everyone speaks at least 2 languages by default is way cool with me. Especially when one of them just sounds like Chaucerian english with a Hoopdegooder accent....Plus they have lots of very nice beer!


I have trashed your flat and what are you gonna do about it?

Technical Bitch

Nightmare journey back from Paris. Though the day was generally productive 8 hours travelling (or being delayed) is not my idea of fun.

Then last night battery problems with the camera. I replaced them, but it's still reporting 'Lo-Batt' (wow, that's an old Ericsson reference...) and refusing to take pictures, let alone get the highly amusing shot of Lil covered in bubbles in the bath.

Had a wonderful day with her today though and that's despite the fact she did not know about the clocks going back. I stuck her in bed with me and a bottle and she was fine for another 2 hours (this is at 4am!)...for some reason she likes to sleep at 90 degress to me with her feet facing away...and gradually rolls from my shoulders to me knees.

You'll have to make do with these shots from the ol' cameraphonamajig.

I am Teh 5!

Signed an important bit of paper today...T&Cs....I am almost Band 5...FTW!

In other (more meaningful) news, Mum brought me a couple of chutneys down (that's not some kind of code) and they are both spicy, with a capital HOT. But more addictive than crack...not that I'd know about crack, but you get my gist.

Favourite bit of French (am off to Paris tomorrow) I remembered today?

Quoitidien/ne = Daily
Hebdomodair/e = Weekly
Moitidien/ne = Monthly

Also, some bastardised Franglais I heard recently:

Forwarder (pronounced 'forwad-ay') = To forward an email
Planifier (pronounced 'plan-if-ee-ay') = To plan something (to put in a project timescale)

And last, but by no means least...Teh Chile in all her pan-technicolour, mega-pixarl, heartbursting-beeyooti! Though most of this evenings shots were crap...so, I'm thinking you'll maybe get fewer but better as I implement 'Project Outandabout'...TBC