Feck!

The camera on my HTC Diamond (yeah, be jealous fuckers!) freaked out on Sunday and suddenly stopped displaying what the lens was pointing at (no, I'm not describing this well am I?), but I thought it was a more serious hardware fault and so it was not actually taking any pictures. Well a hard-reset later and it seems it was taking photos...


Anyway, before it broke Flo treated me to her Michael Parkinson impression (although, I'm not quite sure what the "rabbit face" is about).

We had an awesome day messing around in the garden and then wandered round the museum for a bit before going for "froffy mi-ulk" and some lunch. Then it was back to the ranch for some rockin' out on the guitars and some pretend bakery...I had apple pie, biscuits and croissants....all made out of stones.

Might take the proper camera to Slartibrava this week, but I'm travelling as light as possible...hmmm, perhaps time to break out the Scott E-Vest I have knocking around my coat rack.

And I haven't forgotten about the "mixtape". I've just found two awesome new tracks to go on there so it's provisionally due next weekend (I'll bosh it together when I get back) as I'll be listening to it while I finish cleaning my floor (no Flo next weekend, boo00!)...I'm thinking of calling it "May 'n' All Pro Laps"!

Cause He's The Taxman...

....woooaah, he's the taxman.

And he took 1/3 of my salary!

Wanker!

But I want to put it in my mouth...

This post might get a bit random, but I'm hesitant to post any more references to "Randomness & Autofelation" (not that I am blowing my own trumpet...I hope) given the number of sick fucks that end up here having searched for "autofelatio how to" or "ginger autofelation video". I'm not joking...I should probably stick AdSense back on here and see what kind of awsomely weird ad's it decides to serve up.

Lil's off with her Ma visiting "Grumpy Grandad" so there'll probably not be any child-related stuff up here until the weekend, so you can leave now if that's what you came here for.

My new work timetable seems to be working out nicely. It was kind of forced on me by a change in "the (free) bus to work" times, but it's worked out so far (3 days and counting). I get to work for 7:30, which enables me to merrily get on with sorting out the crap email from the stuff I actually need to do, get on with one of those annoying "tracker" tasks that just never seem to get done unless you are able to sit in silence. Well, I say silence, but I usually stick some fucking loud 'heavy' music on and hammer the keyboard like a demented blacksmith. On crack. Then gradually ease myself into everyone else's day (bearing in mind France is GMT +1), get on with shit and catch the 1st bus back at 3:45. This doesn't mean I've finished for the day though (unfortunately), there's usually a teleconference or two to join and so that I am ethically spotless (well, mainly so I don't get caught out by a nasty email that causes my first "work thought" of the day to be "Oh fucking hell, you utter cunt!") I still allow push mail to the phone until 6pm.

But it does mean that I can chill in the garden for a bit and then get on with my usual evening activities...typing some random shit up here, pissing about with guitars/pianos/what-have-you, reading (currently engrossed in quantum electrodynamics...yes, I heard you sigh there) or watching duff TV...the usual. And I'm kind of OK with getting up just after 6...especially now it's not dark. Or pissing down with rain all the time. That shit's just depressing.

In other news. I'm off to Bratislava with Teh B055 next week. Should be a laugh, especially as he managed to choose a date (and constrained by flights) which means the 2nd (and last) day is a Slovakian Bank Holiday...so I'm hoping we just"might as well go to the pub"...The post is provisionally titled "I went to Bratislava and didn't get butt-raped by Gypsies"...but I don't want to jinx myself.

And so, dear reader, I must away to make myself some kedgeree...and remain in a state of denial about finishing my kitchen floor.

I have already taught myself the slovak for "Beer please" (Prosim Pivo) and am looking forward to my first visit to a country where the word for water is almost the same as Vodka (in english at least)...Awesome!

That was the weekend that was....

...so here's 2 things for yer.



A Quote...at the beach, where it was rather windy and the sea was quite rough...

Me: Wow Flo, look at those big waves in the sea!

Flo: [frantically waving at the sea] Hiiiii!!!



And a picture...

"You got pear blossodum, daddy?"

Every good child needs a "mash potato" hat when they're having a bath!

You can probably see some of the fallout from me saying "Course you can squirt water"...soaking wet wall not shown...

For some reason, Es decided that 5am was a reasonable time to get up. I managed to delay actually getting out of bed (other than to fetch a banana, a drink of water, turn on the heating) for nearly an hour, but inevitably the kids were eating breakfast at 6am while I quaffed coffee and wondered what in the name of fuck I was doing...Then (at the more reasonable hour of 9am) we went to the farm...

"Nookit dese onions Esmae"

Getting ready to split on me...

... Splitting...

The goats were fighting. Though I thought the one without horns was pretty stupid to pick a fight with the fully tooled up dude!

Apparently Flo is "Friday" (actually Freddy, from Scobby Doo I think)...Esmae has to be "Filma" (Thelma, from same)...Esmae Thelma (sorry) is riding a horse apparently, Flo Freddy (agh!) is shouting "Come on Filma" for no apparent reason.

After Es reluctantly went home with Rosie for lunch, Flo and I noodled out and then had some Rambutan..."It's like an eyeball daddy, yeah, it is...it's nice...my eyeball".

The Brief Pedant

Big Ben has been named Britain's favourite landmark, in a poll of more than 2,000 adults.

The central London attraction beat Wiltshire stone circle Stonehenge into second place.

Big Ben is the bell, not the tower...morons.

Snow?

In April?

Still, Flo was very impressed...

I catch it!

Where's it gone?

It's cold!

The night before, we indulged in a broc-fest!

2 bits!

The morning was spent wandering the frozen streets of the 'hood.

That's my girl!

And this picture illustrates my current battle...de-grunging the floor prior to a varnishing!

April in Paris

Brasserie Flo in Charles de Gaulle airport...best confit of duck ever (not that we ate there this time).


A stuffy meeting room in central Paris


Notre Dame...walked past it on the way to the Metro.

And then stayed in a crappy hotel in the Parisian equivalent of Slough...where Bossman and I drank several beers...

Before heading to another stuffy meeting room. This time on some kind of industrial estate near "Slough".

Then off for a slap-up lunch and a wander round the gardens of Versaille Palace (paid for by someone else)...




Some bint suckling a snake!



Marie Antoinette fancied having a working farm apparently, so they knocked up this "faux farm"...sort of like Disneyland, but with chickens and goats...

Swamped

I am it.

Off to Paris with Bossman this week, so maybe I'll post from the flipside...drinking in Teh Ghey!