Levels

oh shit...fuck this post!

I just remembered I can apparently run Doom on Chumby! Need to look into various FLV transcoders and I would LOVE to get BBC iplayer chumby widget!

Focus!

EDIT: Got Quake running on the Chumby last night :D

Inexplicable Joy

Something I feared would go terribly wrong today went 99% right, and that was before 10am! It has almost literally blown my mind! In my worst imaginings it's been like some kind of sci-fi "self-aware nanobots infecting your system" scenario (very Alastair Reynolds!)...but turns out, it worked!

Loads of other stuff is still fucked though...And I really need to fluff-out and prettify my "Duh-du-Duuuh 2010 Ideas!" thing tomorrow...I shall unplug everything except that document, my eyes, and my ipod. I will...I will...

Took Mosh for her checkup...all is well...came back to catch the "new little dude" cat eating her food...she later had a fight with "aggressive annoying cat" (aka 'Cheeky')...but it's nice to know there's a whole feline ecosystem going on...

On the way home (past Flo's "school") the teacher was putting up their contribution to the St Werburghs Art Trail...I stopped for a chat:

[blah, blah, pleasantries]
Teach: ...so we got them to do self-portraits...
Me: Hey, is Flo on there?
Teach: Oh. Yeah...she's next to her friend 'A'. Here...they got to...choose their...own..."look"...
Me: That's the best picture ever!
Teach: She wanted to have a big red nose apparently.


My "art" project got rejected a year ago....Flo wins by default!

:D

Cats!

Oh, Hi! I'd forgotten about you, had you forgotten about me?

What the fuck is up with the local feline population? Moshi had one of her episodes* Friday evening and then wasn't to be seen until magically appearing fast asleep on a soft toy** in Flo's room at lunchtime, where she stayed until this morning. She's MIA again since, and so, apparently, is another local cat***.

Stupid cats.

Nothing interesting has happened other than:

• Attempting to electrocute myself with a Gauntlet arcade machine
• Cars attempting to kill me despite riding a silent, black bicycle - invisible to the naked eye
• Gluing things together to make weapons or masks
• Writing about things I want to do next year
• Reading Joe Haldeman (Forever War is now in my Top10!)...he's fucking ACE!
  
• Flo and I spending a morning hunting alien trees, playing farms (with dinosaurs!), eating banana bread & freshly ripe pears...and visiting "the princess kingdom"****
  

Scratch all that. Cat's turned up squeaking like only a cat that vanished and is now missing it's dinner, which is right in her face (!!), can. And seemingly chewing on her own hind leg....Do cats taste like chicken?

Stupid cats.

* She does some kind of figure-8 round the garden, then round the kitchen, up the stairs, behind Flo's bed and back again.
** "The Constantly Deflated Hedgehog"...her fave, apart from "Basic Flo Bed" option.
*** "Gilbert" has been missing since 08/08. 12 year old, black & white male. Pink collar & name tag.
**** The Princess/Mermaid/Ben10/Cat/Dog/Prince/EvilQueen/Robot/Zombie/Pirate kingdom can apply to any space at any time....usually when you are nearing a space of, as yet undefined by Flo, co-ordinates....sometimes extending into the Z-plane!

Fixie

Things I have learnt about riding a fixed-wheel bicycle in Bristol.

• Prepare for pain
• You need to look/plan ahead
  
• Keep pedalling!
• Don't bother with anything more than 1:3 hills....you will die
• Braking is weird. Practice!
• Putting a retro childseat on the back adds a kilo to the bike
• Flo will whoop from the moment you start pedalling
• She also sings me songs while I cycle...
  
• Adding a Flo to the bike makes it even more unwieldy
• Keep pedalling!
• Pace...it's all about pace. Basically, once you start don't stop. Slow down, sure!
• Make absolutely certain no laces, sock, trouser-cuff or other loose items can possibly get caught in the chain...you will die
• If you get a bright orange, chopper-handled fixie with a childseat from the 80s containing a whooping, singing ~4year old....people will point and stare...
  

Tomorrow we are going to attempt a trip to town....

A What Goes Here?

I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself this evening (yeh...boo-fuckin-hoo; what have I got to worry about comparatively?!) and after I whinged about hip pain on twitter (sue me) I got spammed with a billion adverts for girdles...I won't whinge more here...

Perhaps Newsnight on Beeb1 & testing out Moblin (looking good for the acer (as i use it)) will help.

Ooooh, it's about thieving cunts.

Sorted.

I Need A Wii

Status Update:
- Work Crisis of the week : sorted
- Emotional Crisis of the week : sorted
- Friday Night Argument I Should Not Have Got Involved With : sorted

Fucking self-righteous Daily Mail cunts!

Sorry about the swearing mum, but I know you'd've been with me....

I have a noodle, pak-choi and sprout salad to eat...why is there no meat in my house?

Please hold...

Yes, you're right, I haven't posted in a while.

Sorry about that.

Actually. No, not so sorry.

I'll post something decent soon I promise...including:

• Flo riding a horse
• My mum stealing from Father Christmas
• Sebaceous cysts (yay!)
  
• Maxillofacial surgery (not once, but twice!)
• Panic & confusion
• Volunteering to be harassed by legions of children
• ...and bacon

OK, maybe not bacon...but the rest of it.

Soon.

I promise.

The Game

Ahahha. Hahahaha. Nerd.

OK. You didn't get that joke. Probably. Unless you are Tek (did you get it?). Maybe...

I have been told to tell the internet (and only a fool thinks "the internet" reads my blog. Foolz! :) about "The Game".

I started this post a while ago...and I believe this is either "coaching" or "grooming" in terms of blogging.

The Game*, is a game I play with Flo. And in my head...with myself. It's like onanism, but with no touching...Wait, did I just mention touching myself and my daughter in the same paragraph? This is all sounding so wrong...

Psychologists and other people, the latter generally more intelligent than me, probably invented this game. But for now, it is my game.

We have 2 subjects/players: A and B.
A: Food to eat?
B: Bacon
A: Eggs
B: Cabbage
etc.

e.g. Word association games....if you say something that doesn't fit the category the person who chose it gets to change it.
[cont]
A: Popcorn
B: Macdonalds
A: MAJOR FUCKING ERROR!!!
A: Rivers of The World!
A: Amazon
B: ebay
A: Fail!

When I play on my own, it's:
A: OMA Management Objects and their publication status?
B: CP, FUMO, SCOMO, DiagMon, SC
A: And?
B: Agh you fuck!
...
B: LaWMO
A: And?
...
B: I fucking hate you!

Then, also...
A: Every Queen album in chronological order?
B: Queen, Queen II, Night at the Opera or maybe Day at the races....or that other one.
A: Haha ha. Wait...

But you can also awesome it up:
Me (after 15 minutes of "animals on a farm", "things i can see with my eyes", etc and so much traffic-noise neither of us can hear, seeing a sign for some kind of cinammon donut snack thing): Simian Bums?
Flo: Monkeys bottom.
Me: Pardon?
Me: Flo?
Flo: You mustn't say "bum". Not in this area. [indicates path, road, M32...sits on hands and pretends to go to sleep]
Me: ROFLMAO!
Me: What should I say Flo? Flo? Flo?
Flo: Parts of monkeys.
Me: [?..]
Flo: I can see a pollution!

But I want to put it in my mouth...

This post might get a bit random, but I'm hesitant to post any more references to "Randomness & Autofelation" (not that I am blowing my own trumpet...I hope) given the number of sick fucks that end up here having searched for "autofelatio how to" or "ginger autofelation video". I'm not joking...I should probably stick AdSense back on here and see what kind of awsomely weird ad's it decides to serve up.

Lil's off with her Ma visiting "Grumpy Grandad" so there'll probably not be any child-related stuff up here until the weekend, so you can leave now if that's what you came here for.

My new work timetable seems to be working out nicely. It was kind of forced on me by a change in "the (free) bus to work" times, but it's worked out so far (3 days and counting). I get to work for 7:30, which enables me to merrily get on with sorting out the crap email from the stuff I actually need to do, get on with one of those annoying "tracker" tasks that just never seem to get done unless you are able to sit in silence. Well, I say silence, but I usually stick some fucking loud 'heavy' music on and hammer the keyboard like a demented blacksmith. On crack. Then gradually ease myself into everyone else's day (bearing in mind France is GMT +1), get on with shit and catch the 1st bus back at 3:45. This doesn't mean I've finished for the day though (unfortunately), there's usually a teleconference or two to join and so that I am ethically spotless (well, mainly so I don't get caught out by a nasty email that causes my first "work thought" of the day to be "Oh fucking hell, you utter cunt!") I still allow push mail to the phone until 6pm.

But it does mean that I can chill in the garden for a bit and then get on with my usual evening activities...typing some random shit up here, pissing about with guitars/pianos/what-have-you, reading (currently engrossed in quantum electrodynamics...yes, I heard you sigh there) or watching duff TV...the usual. And I'm kind of OK with getting up just after 6...especially now it's not dark. Or pissing down with rain all the time. That shit's just depressing.

In other news. I'm off to Bratislava with Teh B055 next week. Should be a laugh, especially as he managed to choose a date (and constrained by flights) which means the 2nd (and last) day is a Slovakian Bank Holiday...so I'm hoping we just"might as well go to the pub"...The post is provisionally titled "I went to Bratislava and didn't get butt-raped by Gypsies"...but I don't want to jinx myself.

And so, dear reader, I must away to make myself some kedgeree...and remain in a state of denial about finishing my kitchen floor.

I have already taught myself the slovak for "Beer please" (Prosim Pivo) and am looking forward to my first visit to a country where the word for water is almost the same as Vodka (in english at least)...Awesome!

Insert SEXUAL_ACT into ANIMAL where PICTURES equal HAIRCOLOUR

A small personal reference to the more prevalent Google searches bringing traffix my way...that Autofelation post is doing better than I'd ever thought possible! Mostly in terms of lonely teenage boys (just guessing) from France or Argentina (not guessing)...Tigers, Lions and Tattoos are also quite popular hits; by far the best is "ginger lion cunts", closely followed by "angry ginger cocks"....perhaps the last was a deliberate attempt to find me.

In other news, the new work laptop is working out better than I could have hoped. Dual-core, decent RAM, XP not Vista...but still a corporate build, ugh...lighter, quieter and with a swishy wide screen though I'm still not convinced by the layout for the "nipple"/buttons/trackpad, and Page Up/Down and the cursor buttons are, well, too close and confusing. I really don't need a powerful laptop for work these days because I essentially spend my time using hideously unwieldy Excel spreadsheets that do arcane Windows/VB stuff with a Web App, attempt to become a PowerPoint demon (instead of the "hello, i am technical...here are some pictures and poorly explained acronyms" style I have cultivated), Email and Web/RSS...oh and I draw things using Dia.

I started this post intending to simply point everyone to Tek's reminiscence post here...way too many of my own favourites to pass up the opportunity to just link....I've been thinking of doing a "mixtape" thing for a while now. I'm pretty certain only Gaz will ever bother downloading it, but maybe I'll just do it...what is copyright anyway?

Those tiger pictures, by the way, are awesome! Nice one bro....

Radio Killed The Video Star

Got absolutely drenched on Friday....wet to the knee...it's a pedestrian thing.

Flo and I enjoyed a Huge Fish Pie(tm) each on Saturday night. Comprising haddock, prawns, peas, leeks, celery and a bechamel topped off with broc-mash...we both did lots of "ummm"-ing...then played the tickle-chasing game, had a bath and then bed....Flo did Mermaid impressions and didn't really want to go to sleep ndespite "noo bankets" and a "noo circle cushion", but funnily enough 10 minutes after I put her down with a warm bottle of (rice) milk there was silence...

Today we had frozen raspberries in our porridge and then snacked on mango, oat biscuits and The Clangers until it was a suitable hour to visit the farm...came home for an aborted snooze, making tea for every single stuffed animal in the house (1 leopard called Leonard, 3 tigers (Big, Small and Bag), Kitten, Mungous the snake, Monster (sometimes called Dragon) and Stanny (the crazy, organic, pea-husk wearing, anti-establishment, bi-colour oat-based, oddball furball that daddy bought on a whim in Belgium))...the Noisy Orse also turned up for a bit. [sarcasm]Thanks for that one Granny Jan[/sarcasm].

Whenever it rains as hard as it has done recently I get a bit paranoid about the roof falling in, so I popped up into the attic earlier for a quick look (as I hadn't had a look since I moved in 6 months ago) and I notice I can get through to the neighbours attic!! There is no wall between my house and (seemingly) the house next to me....this seems wrong....anyone? Dad, I'm looking at you there.

While Flo was singing her traditional song in the tunnel (turn up the volume, I fucked the video settings up....new phone...sorry) a woman walked passed the other side...when she yodelled (having got her breath back from laughing at us) Flo was mega-confused! Soz again about the quality...I pressed MMS instead of Yay Quality Video! You should hang out with us in person.

Oh yea...I got "rarzbee fingers"!!




Fwozen rarzbereez roolz....Thayz frozed from my 'lotment bak inna day!*

Peace....work awaits!


*yeah, i don't have it no more, but I got a bushel of frozen summr fruits for 3 quid ;)

Back to normality....

....or what passes for "normal" round here.

Had a really nice weekend with Flo who turned up extremely tired on Saturday, having apparently woken up at 1:30am and refused to go back to sleep. Here's some evidence....too tired to eat her dinner!

My favourite part was her trying to cram peas and mash potato into her mouth while sucking her thumb and with her eyes shut! Anyway, she went straight to bed halfway through dinner (Chicken Stew with mash and peas since you ask) and un-amazingly slept from 5pm until 7am!!

We pottered around the house (something of a theme for me of late) for some of the morning and then decided we should go to the museum...

We bought some masks....

...and had Pizza. Flo shouting "I'm having pizza, lady!" at anybody who walked past.

And I showed Flo how to leap from a height....

Onto a book which makes an amusing farting noise!

Zero 8 Baby!

Yes, I haven't posted much recently have I....too much fun over the holidays that's what it is....that and a complete lack of desire to turn on a computer...

Business as usual will resume forthwith...