But I want to put it in my mouth...

This post might get a bit random, but I'm hesitant to post any more references to "Randomness & Autofelation" (not that I am blowing my own trumpet...I hope) given the number of sick fucks that end up here having searched for "autofelatio how to" or "ginger autofelation video". I'm not joking...I should probably stick AdSense back on here and see what kind of awsomely weird ad's it decides to serve up.

Lil's off with her Ma visiting "Grumpy Grandad" so there'll probably not be any child-related stuff up here until the weekend, so you can leave now if that's what you came here for.

My new work timetable seems to be working out nicely. It was kind of forced on me by a change in "the (free) bus to work" times, but it's worked out so far (3 days and counting). I get to work for 7:30, which enables me to merrily get on with sorting out the crap email from the stuff I actually need to do, get on with one of those annoying "tracker" tasks that just never seem to get done unless you are able to sit in silence. Well, I say silence, but I usually stick some fucking loud 'heavy' music on and hammer the keyboard like a demented blacksmith. On crack. Then gradually ease myself into everyone else's day (bearing in mind France is GMT +1), get on with shit and catch the 1st bus back at 3:45. This doesn't mean I've finished for the day though (unfortunately), there's usually a teleconference or two to join and so that I am ethically spotless (well, mainly so I don't get caught out by a nasty email that causes my first "work thought" of the day to be "Oh fucking hell, you utter cunt!") I still allow push mail to the phone until 6pm.

But it does mean that I can chill in the garden for a bit and then get on with my usual evening activities...typing some random shit up here, pissing about with guitars/pianos/what-have-you, reading (currently engrossed in quantum electrodynamics...yes, I heard you sigh there) or watching duff TV...the usual. And I'm kind of OK with getting up just after 6...especially now it's not dark. Or pissing down with rain all the time. That shit's just depressing.

In other news. I'm off to Bratislava with Teh B055 next week. Should be a laugh, especially as he managed to choose a date (and constrained by flights) which means the 2nd (and last) day is a Slovakian Bank Holiday...so I'm hoping we just"might as well go to the pub"...The post is provisionally titled "I went to Bratislava and didn't get butt-raped by Gypsies"...but I don't want to jinx myself.

And so, dear reader, I must away to make myself some kedgeree...and remain in a state of denial about finishing my kitchen floor.

I have already taught myself the slovak for "Beer please" (Prosim Pivo) and am looking forward to my first visit to a country where the word for water is almost the same as Vodka (in english at least)...Awesome!

Heads, Shoulders, Knees and.....Ow, my fucking back!

Yep. Still a bit fucked backwise....apparently something's up with my sciatic nerve, probably mangled by stupid toddler-hefting style (e.g. carrying Flo all the way back from the farm "like a beebee"...and the "run down the hall and be thrown in the air by daddy" thing) and because I sit down a lot.

Randomness may now ensue. There will be no pictures...just so you know.

Tek! Bring back some kind of blog (or something). Oughton, Sked...updates?...Too busy IRL? No, I will not use Fackbook nor Twitter (shitter)....you are in my Feeeedddzzz.

The NDS is now host to an ecosystem comprising: a Dolphin (which, somehow, managed to bite Flo's finger while she was in the front room at Teh Mumma's house and my DS was in my bag with me...at work), 2 Ponies (pretty lame (ha ha) if you ask me), 4 dogs (a Chihuahua, a Labrador, a Dalmation and some other mutt....Jungle Joe would be so proud!)... and a bunch of fish that jump on leaves which make various shades of "bong" noise. I want a Wii (and a wee actually...brb)

...Ahem. I want a Wii, not only for "Endless Ocean" but also....just because. Nicht nur...sonder auch (as they say in German IIRC. Oh yeh, hello germans! Lots of germans visit with some kind of cock/ginger (and now also "autofellatio") Google search. My other favourite snippet of Deutsch is "je schneller desto besser"...the quicker the better....3rd? Oh well, since you ask: "aufängen sollte Man sie" (wow, that was rusty)....which comes from an awesome play called Biedermann und die Brandstifter (ouch...spelling/memory rust! thanks Wikipedia!)...I love/d that play!

That reminds me, which of my relatives (for I am sure that it is a relative) would be connecting from Crawley? De-lurk yourself....I might even send you real letters (using this postal thing). It's one of my New Year resolutions. Such as they are. Or I might just email you...

I somehow seem to have achieved a state I will call Amazon Collision. I ended up (basically, I get interested in a subject for a few minutes and get click-happy) with a DVD of Derren Brown freaking people out with his Brain Skillz, and also a book by same...which is about freaking your own brain out! I'm not sure I should view them within a short timeframe.

I am also starving and must eat soon...so I will leave this randomness with the following:

• Sit on a (desk, or kitchen type) chair
• Lift your right foot and move it in a clockwise, circular motion
• With your right hand draw a figure 6 flat (as if on a table/desk) in front of you
• What is your leg doing?

I write with my left hand but am otherwise right-handed (go figure....guitar, mouse, my preferred foot?...all right...not sinistral) and when I use my left hand and right foot my foot just kind of goes all over the place! left/left is the same....oh wait, there is something else I do left-handed....*

Perverts!


*Use a rifle (or bow)...but that might be down to my wonky eyes.